“He gave us five stars. Quote: ‘Unpredictable paranormal energy. Would get spooked again.’”

“Speak for yourself. I was seen. Well, heard . Well, implied .”

“Is that vegan leather? It smells like… hope.”

He lights a candle. The ghosts, bored, sit in a circle around him.

GhostHawk5000 (real name: Kevin) sets up night-vision cameras in the library. He’s wearing a headlamp and a “Ghosts Are Real” hoodie.

“Okay, chat. We’re in a 17th-century manor with six reported ghost types. If you see anything, spam the skull emoji.”

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